The Mouti Family

Holey Holey

2011-04-11T12:36:00.001-06:00

This weekend, I got lots of laundry done: baby clothes, baby blankets, whites, towels. Did I throw in any of my work clothes? Nope. So this morning, when I went to get dressed, my choices were wrinkled skirts, green cargo pants, or maternity pants. The maternity pants are the kind without a panel and are dressy, pin-striped pants appropriate for work. When I got to work and took my coat off, I felt a cold breeze coming through. Turns out this pair of pants had air conditioning via a big gaping hole in the bum along a pocket seam. Fortunately I had grabbed a sweater to wear. Now instead of keeping me warm, it's tied around my waist hiding my bare ass (yes I am wearing undies - they just don't have a lot of coverage, if you must know). So let this be a lesson to us all. When you have holey pants, either get them fixed, throw them out, or put them away in a "get fixed" box.

Why I Can't Get Mad at Him

2010-11-19T14:21:00.000-07:00

I step out of the shower and reach for my towel only to find an empty towel rack. This is not the first time this has happened.

Later that day, "honey, why do you always use my towel? I use the same one and I hate when I get out of the shower and it's gone."

Sheepishly, "I like your skin."

No Sleep Til Brooklyn

2010-11-15T13:41:00.001-07:00

Last night started off great. The baby fell asleep around 8, so I put her to bed early and then went to bed early myself around 9. In our usual routine, she goes to bed with me anytime bedtween 9:30 and 11. She'll suck on her pacifier. It falls out. She starts to fuss. I put it back in. This goes on until she falls completely asleep, at which point the pacifier falls out and there is no fussing. So I love it when I can put her in her crib asleep.

So there I was, sleeping deeply at 10 pm on a Sunday when the doorbell rang. Who was it, you ask? Oh no you didn't. Like I was going to get up. I lay there listening for another ring or a knock or the baby (fortunately, the ring did not wake her). But there was nothing. I guess whoever it was realized how moronic it was to knock on my door at 10 pm on Sunday and left because they knew they'd be in for a serious ass-kicking. Or else they were a criminal in a hurry and wanted to murder/rob someone who would answer the door more quickly.

I had just started to enjoy some more sleep when the baby started to stir. It didn't sound like she was completely awake, so I waited. She kept fussing. I got up and made her a bottle. I figured if I didn't, she was bound to wake up hungry sometime between now and morning anyway. By the time the bottle was ready, she was quiet again. I got her up anyway and fed her. She must have been hungry because she ate the whole thing. By the time I burped her, swaddled her and got her to back to bed, it was 12:30. Chouaib would be home in a few minutes. I would probably still be awake.

I started dreaming. I was with my mom. We ran into a high school friend of hers. Strangely, he resembled the Welsh man who had just sold me his couches from an internet classifieds site this weekend. He also had the man's strong Welsh accent. He told my mom he was in the business of designing castles. Hearing this excited me, as I'd spent so much of life in Europe. "Have you ever been to Europe?" I asked, because that's a place that has A LOT of castles. He answered no, but he'd just gotten back from Brooklyn. At this point, I was really starting to get annoyed with my mom, because she was really REALLY happy to see him. She kept giving him hugs and squeezing him tightly, cheek to cheek, which is much more affection than I care to see her give anyone, let alone an old high school chum. But Chouaib was going to be home any minute now, so I woke up.

It was 4 am. Since he works late, it's not unusual for him to unwind first when he comes home. He was just turning out the lights and coming to bed. We got into bed and I told him he smelled like plastic, like the plastic I made a star-shaped key chain out of in my 8th grade shop class. "Keychene?" he asked, laughing? "Porte-clé." I explained. Sometimes I have to explain things in French if he doesn't know what I'm talking about in English. I smell like a porte-clé? So he lay there and laughed for a long time and tried to snuggle with me with his cold hands until I finally fell back asleep.

The alarm went off at 5:30. After a quick shower, I went into the baby's room to get my clothes out of the closet that we share. I peeked in her crib as I always do to make sure she's still there. She had wiggled both arms out of her swaddler and inched her way up to the head of her crib. She was lying nearly sideways, arms spread, back arched, face pressed agianst the side of her crib. She looked deep in sleep and totally uncomfortable despite the uncomfortable-looking position she was in. I wanted to move her but I didn't want to wake her. I figured she must have had a night like mine. Or worse.

Hold Me Back

2010-10-01T08:11:00.000-06:00

I baked last night, pulled all the stops. I put chocolate chips in those rice krispie treats. Ain't no stoppin' me now.

Dirty Glee

2010-09-29T08:47:00.000-06:00

I can't be the only who realizes that if you move the 'd' to the first word in the phrase New Directions, it sounds like something similar to Naked Excitements.

You can blame my parents. I do.

Hop on My Thought Train

2010-09-24T07:44:00.001-06:00

Every morning at work, I get a notification telling me that my TPL* reports are ready. The email comes from a "no reply" address. And every morning, never failing, Phil Collins voice pops into my head singing "no reply at all...no reply at all..." It's not pleasant.

Tomorrow, we're having a family photo shoot with just the 3 of us. I'm not looking forward to it because I feel like I look like Shrek from the neck down. Hopefully the photographer can get some tricky angles and work some photoshop magic. Mostly I just want some pics with my cute little angel.

On that note, she was sleeping this morning when I left for work so I went in to her and leaned over her crib and whispered "goodbye my angel," to her. Then she smiled in her sleep. I just melted. She's so amazing. How did get this lucky? No, really.

*They're not really called TPL reports.

Getting Your Fiber

2010-09-17T12:36:00.000-06:00

From the pesky little bit that always sticks to the candy, I wonder how much Now & Later paper people consume in a lifetime.

When you lick the wrapper, make sure you don't forget the 'w.'

...and a crop in the field.

2010-09-17T12:32:00.000-06:00

When I was a child I thought that Lucille left Kenny Rogers with four hundred children.

Hi? Really?

2010-09-16T10:25:00.000-06:00

Have you ever noticed that when people greet each other sometimes and one person says "hi" while the other uses the rhetorical, "how're you doin'?" but they get switched, it sounds like the first one asks the second how they are doing and the second responds, "high." I really wish that when this greeting exchange happened, it was true, that the second person was indeed high, because I think then people would be walking around a lot more relaxed and happy. Not that condone illegal drug use in any way. Everyone should have a prescription.

Smart Women

2010-09-15T14:48:00.000-06:00

Forget Suze Orman. Driving home from work yesterday, I was thinking of some stuff I needed to buy, like a really cute scarf or a new pair of shoes, or something new for the baby. But then the smart woman surfaced from somewhere inside, "Kristy, remember which tax bracket you live in. When was the last time you put money into your savings account? Didn't you just go to Old Navy yesterday and purchase a wad of clearance t-shirts, flip-flops, tanks and baby stuff? Doesn't your husband get frustrated when you spend frivolously and wastefully?" She was right. I have a problem. As long as I know there's money in the account and I have the cards with me, I'll shop. It's not a lot, but a few dollars here and a few dollars there can really add up. Right then it hit me. The solution to saving money, improving my marriage, and motivating myself to look for creative ways to increase my cash flow is to leave my cards at home. Not just leave them at home, hand them over to the husband. That way, he'll know I'm serious about saving money and not spending every spare cent we have. He was thrilled when I told him I wanted him to keep my cards in his wallet. So was I. It's been one day so far. Let's see how long this thing lasts.

While We're on the Subject

2010-06-22T22:09:00.000-06:00

People who show all their teeth when they smile kinda creep me out.

At Worst I Feel Bad for a While, but Then I Just Smile

2010-06-03T13:55:00.001-06:00

I've written about this before, but it's something I feel strongly (maybe too strongly) about, so without hesitation, I post my public service message/rant once again. "Smile. It's not THAT bad." This came from a random patient with whom I'd had no prior interaction while I was sitting at my desk, working and minding my own business. As she did nothing to merit a smile from me, I offered up a blank stare. She chuckled nervously and continued on her way. These are the questions this scenario leaves us to ponder:

1) How does she know it's not that bad? What if I just received a phone call telling me that my favorite grandpa just died or that I have an incurable disease? Maybe it is, indeed, THAT BAD.

2) What exactly is it that makes people think they are entitled to suggest alternate facial expressions if they don't like the one that is on your face? Why would they think that their suggestion would make me want to change the current expression on my face?

3) What if she's right and it's NOT that bad? In fact, what if I'm just sitting here concentrating on what I'm doing, which does not happen to be particularly humorous or entertaining yet I am in every way completely content?

The truth is that #3 is the situation in which I was this morning. If I'm staring at my computer screen and it's related to work, chances are I'm not smiling. But just because I'm not smiling doesn't mean I'm not happy. I consider myself a very happy (albeit easily annoyed) person. My life is great. Should I walk around with a perma-grin because of it? I only think this would make me look like an idiot. Believe me, I've known people like that, that's all it does for them. So here's my message to you, people who like to tell people to smile: IT'S NOT CHARMING when you tell people to smile, it MIGHT be THAT BAD (you never know), and maybe instead of telling me what I should be doing with my face, why don't you just MAKE ME smile. No, I'm serious. Tell me a joke, walk up and say hi with a smile on your own face. I guarantee this will be much more effective than simply telling me to smile. 100% of the time.

Note to Self:

2010-05-17T07:32:00.002-06:00

Do not sip from a straw while walking. You already can't breathe. This will avoid risking passing out.

How to Make Milk Taste Better

2010-05-16T20:34:00.002-06:00

Blend it with a cup or so of frozen blueberries.

I read that it's important to get a lot of calcium the third trimester. As a result, I'm trying to incorporate more of it into my diet. I don't like to drink milk on its own, so tonight I had the brilliant idea to throw in some blueberries. It looked something like this.

Plays Well With Others

2010-05-03T13:32:00.001-06:00

Tends to daydream. Doesn't always apply herself.

Has difficulty relating to those with no sense of humor.

Dear Guys in Big Trucks

2010-04-30T07:26:00.003-06:00

When I'm hauling down the road and you pretend like I'm not approaching and pull out anyway, forcing me to hit my brakes, I WILL honk at you. And then when we get stuck next to each other at the red light and I look over and you're mouthing naughty words at me like I did something wrong, I WILL MOUTH NAUGHTY WORDS BACK AT YOU. I ain't afraid of you.

Sincerely,
Hormonal Pregnant Lady

2010-04-29T10:16:00.002-06:00

This morning, we early birds, the 7 a.m.-ers, arrived at work to find a beautiful bakery basket from an appreciative patient. It was filled with mini bundt cakes, cookies, muffins, brownies, and loveliest of all, cheesecake brownies. My co-worker, who found the basket on her desk, decided not to open it right away and said that she was going to put it in the breakroom so that everyone, not just the front desk people, would have access to it. I asked her if she would reserve one of the cheesecake brownies for me (remember, I'm the pregnant lady and yes, I'm playing THAT card) when she did. A good while later, she called my extension to let me know that the basket was now in the breakroom and free game, but there were no cheesecake brownies left. I went in back and helped myself to an oatmeal cookie that was pretty delicious, but I'm still annoyed about the whole brownie thing. It's not about the brownie. It's about her personality. The basket was for everyone, yet she felt the need to monitor its contents and when and where they would be distributed. If the situation had been reversed, and the basket on my desk when I came in, I would not have denied her - or anyone for that matter - a special request for a specific treat. I don't understand why people feel the need to make things things more difficult for others. Or feel the need to deny or take from others when there is no obvious gain on their part. Do they take pleasure in the feeling of control it gives them? Anyway, I won't dwell on the cheesecake brownie (it was really Punkin' who wanted it, and I can pick one up on the way home if I still feel the urge). I just wanted to ponder human nature a bit and share a thought from a great man that pertains very well to this situation.

You can have everything in life that you want if you just give enough other people what they want.
- Zig Ziglar

Chew on that for a while.

Boo Hoo

2010-04-29T07:52:00.000-06:00

Sandra Bullock Files for Divorce, Jesse James Heartbroken. Oh,really? What, does he think people actually feel sorry for him? Let's have a show of hands: Who feels sorry for Jesse James? Honey, you reap what you sow.

UR Doin it Wrong

2010-04-13T10:28:00.002-06:00

Dear Pandora -

Music in the style of Wham does not mean any band with two male vocalists. Hall & Oates and Tears for Fears? Sorry, not in the mood. Spandau Ballet was a little closer, OMD was much better. But I really just want to hear George's lovely voice. And just as I was about to suggest another band from the same country and era, The Reflex starts. Much better, Pandora. Now, more George, please.

Love,
Kristy

Randomness

2010-04-12T10:40:00.002-06:00

I can't see the word "rambler" without Terence Trent D'Arby's "Wishing Well" coming into my head. Is he D'Arby of the famous roast beef family? Now I'm hungry.

Why can't people follow directions? Twice, I say "through the door, take a right, and it's on the right." She walks up to the door, stops, looks around, bewildered. She's lost in a forest, all alone. Finally, someone else directs her, "THROUGH the door..."

She goes through the door, stops, and looks around. Still in the forest. Is there such thing as a GPS for one's person?

Hop on My Thought Train

2010-04-12T07:58:00.002-06:00

The elevator smelled like Dolce & Gabbana Light Blue perfume as I rode from 1 to 2 this morning. This must be what Jennifer Lopez smells like when she's filming a video dancing on the beach in her bikini and sarong singing "my love don't cost a thing..."

Now "My Love Don't Cost a Thing" is stuck in my head. Because someone wore Light Blue in the elevator this morning.

Gems from the Workplace

2010-04-08T10:55:00.002-06:00

Here are some excerpts from actual conversations I had on 4/7/2010.

"What do you need to be seen for, ma'am?"
Affirming: "Mmmhmm."

"Can you tell me where the 1st floor confrontation room is?" Uh, consultation room?

From another office, calling about a patient, "His last name is O-feem, spelled O-P-H-E-I-M." Maybe having some German background makes that a little more obvious to me.

From a patient referring to one of my doctors: "I'm here to see Dr. WONG, but she spells it WANG..." I knew who you meant when you said her name.

And, lastly, "my address is *** Smallwood Way."

Lunchtime Etiquette - A Public Service Announcement

2010-03-31T12:53:00.005-06:00

I'm a foodie. I like to enjoy my food. I'm selective about what I eat and how I eat it. One of my colleagues at work calls me a "sexy eater." It all started when I used to bring an entire grapefruit to lunch every day, peel it like an orange, and with a knife, cut the pulpy good parts away from the skin and eat them piece by piece. I never gave it a second thought, but she commented that I was this careful with many things when it came to food; the way I evenly spread peanut and jam all the way to each corner on the bread, how I systematically cut a jelly donut into wedges to assure that each bite of donut isn't without the taste of raspberry jelly, and the way I have of carefully chopping up my eggs to prepare them for an egg salad. I suppose there's an element of OCD involved, but whatever the explanation, she is fascinated and that's ok with me. Perhaps it's due to this talent that people feel comfortable asking me for my food, or sometimes even, just taking it. I don't understand this. They're not starving. They brought or purchased their own lunch, yet just because I make mine look prettier than theirs, they feel free asking for a sample. Most often this happens when I slice up cucumbers or strawberries and have them in a bowl. I understand they look good, but did I ask you for a bite of your lunch? Sorry, no. And hello, right now I'm a pregnant lady. WHO comes between a pregnant lady and her food?

People, this is my plea to you. Don't assume that just because someone makes a pretty presentation of their lunch or takes their time to actually prepare something instead grabbing a frozen dinner, that means they want to share it with you. Oh, and if they do offer, because they just happened to have made an overabundance of guacamole and you keep eyeing it like a starving hawk watching a fat, juicy field mouse, and they ask if you would like SOME, that's not an invitation to finish off the entire dish.

One other thing: it's never, EVER ok to pick a crouton off someone's salad, especially if you have a cough, but mostly never as a general rule. If you do, I will make that pretty clear to you and it likely won't make your feelings feel good.

Monkey for My Monkey

2010-03-25T10:22:00.004-06:00

A couple of weeks ago, I went to Babies R Us to register for the baby. I was so overwhelmed. I have no idea what things are necessary and those things that I did like, as far as function, were unimpressive as far as fabric used, colors, etc. For example, I'd love one of those little vibrating bouncy seats, but there wasn't one that looked like it would go with the baby's room or that I'd want sitting in my house. Why do they think that baby = obnoxious when it comes to style? Maybe I'm just being too picky...Besides that, they were way overpriced. There's just something uncomfortable about registering for baby gifts that I'm settling for when I wouldn't purchase them even at a cheaper price.

Anyway, there are some baby things that I do like. Most of them are on etsy. One of them in particular is the cutest sock monkey I've ever seen. If only their web site had a registry. If you read this and if you are planning on getting an awesome baby gift for Punkin', she told me she really likes all the things I marked as favorites on that site (under specialkrispy). But I'm getting her the monkey.

Speaking of kids, I was checking in this older lady yesterday. She was about 70, but had obviously had some plastic surgery and was nicely, but not overly, made-up. Right in the middle of her check-in, she goes "can I ask how old you are? Because you look like you're about 10 years old." I started laughing and she continued, "really, I'm wondering what you're doing working here because you look like you belong in grammar school." I just kept laughing at her and told her she was being nice and trying to mask my pride, told her that I'd be 38 this summer. "Well, I don't know if I was being nice, but I guess it's just in some people's genes," she sighed. I told her I would take it as a compliment anyway. Because I'm sure that within a year of becoming a mother, all of my hair will turn grey and I'll get crows feet from heck. Ten never felt so good.

Lady

2010-02-28T10:43:00.003-07:00

My friend, Bethany, the same Bethany who saved my life last summer by getting the word out about her spinach smoothies, has started a fabulous web site called Bringing Lady Back. It gives good tips on being, well, a lady.

For the most part, I agree with what's on there. Although I think that if you wear a nice shirt with your yoga pants to work and can get away with it, then you shouldn't necessarily save your gym clothes for the gym. But I totally get it, Bethany, don't dress for the gym when you're going to Target! Show Target some respect! So, check it out. If you like it, add it to your blog roll. Get the word out - more lady, less peep-thong!

SOUR

2010-02-24T10:43:00.003-07:00

Salt & vinegar chips have bite. I love them. Lay's Limón bite YOU. I'm still undecided and make a sour pucker face every time I eat them, because WOW. But I can't stop, if that says anything.

Oh, Baby!

2010-02-19T10:05:00.002-07:00

So, if you haven't heard yet. We're expecting a baby in July and couldn't be more excited about it. I'm so excited, in fact, that I want to throw my own baby shower and give gifts to everyone who comes! I'm 18.5 weeks along and have started feeling the baby move. It's not the swimming fish or butterflies sensation that I've heard people describe, but full on pressure, like it's standing on my bladder or trying to get out by lying horizontally (across my belly) and stretching. One of mine and Chouaib's favorite games to play with it is to see how it responds to sound. He rests his ear on my stomach, waiting until it's quiet, then he'll speak "helloo?" and reports to me what he hears, usually it's a gurgling sound. The cool part is that it's in response to the sound of Chouaib's voice. I wish I had a stethoscope...

I'm a huge fan of www.dooce.com, mostly because Heather Armstrong is hilarious, but also because she has fabulous taste and posts lovely, fun pictures of her dogs, family and well-decorated home. A while back, she wrote about the nursery she put together for her new baby and told her readers that she would decorate their nursery as well. So over the weekend, I wrote to her, telling her that I wanted to take her up on it and offered a jar of homemade sugar scrub in return. I have yet to hear back. I might be on my own for this venture.

To be continued...

Note to Self:

2010-02-03T13:51:00.002-07:00

When you're pregnant and you think you might have to go to the bathroom, don't tempt fate and think you can hold it. Because though you think you can, inevitably before you make it to a bathroom, you will cough or sneeze and the little black spot will appear. And you will still have 3 and a half hours of work left.

Dear Santa, (another one)

2009-12-09T20:35:00.004-07:00

Have you heard of this stuff, Jaqua Buttercream Frosting Body Butter (you, the reader, not, you, Santa)? It's lovely. It smells so good you want to eat it. But you can't. I put some on at Got Beauty the other day and almost gnawed my hands off before I left the store. I'm pretty sure I need it since it's winter now and I'm shedding a layer of skin. If you happen to be Santa and are reading this, you can buy me this at Got Beauty or here:

http://www.jaquabeauty.com/products/prod_detail.aspx?prod_id=1&fra_id=0

Sexy Taco Soup

2009-11-03T07:48:00.002-07:00

I decided not to count days. It makes it sound too much like I'm in prison and I'm scratching lines into a limestone wall with my fingernail until the day I can have pizza again. I thought today was the first weigh-in, so I weighed in ahead on the official scale and found myself 4 lbs down from last week (thank GOODNESS!). Then asked the official weigher-inner what time weigh-in was and she informed me that we're only weighing in every two weeks, which both discouraged and encouraged me at the same time. No worries. I can still keep track for myself every week.

Last night I made a modified version of taco soup. I used fresh tomatoes and ff low sodium chicken broth, fresh onions, fresh red pepper, and a can each of kidney and black beans. This morning, I put a spoonful of salsa on it and brought it work for lunch with half an avocado. RAWR. It's more sexy than yummy if you ask me.

Dear Santa,

2009-10-25T22:54:00.001-06:00

http://www.target.com/Coral-Faux-Fur-Bootie-Slippers/dp/B002832LTU/ref=sc_qi_detailbutton

Day 4

2009-10-22T14:18:00.000-06:00

I'm not even gonna talk about the grievous sins I committed yesterday. Let's just say that today was a new day. Right now there are 2 Diet Cokes on my desks with the same amount of Coke drunk out of them. Losing is going to make me crazy. At least I will look good.

Day 3

2009-10-21T09:32:00.002-06:00

Day 2 was a little more of a challenge than day 1 for a couple of reasons. First, the official first day of the weight loss competition at work was postponed until next week. This left me in a pickle. Do I keep eating and not exercising like I normally do so that I can still have as much weight to lose? After all, the first pounds are the easiest, right? I mean, what if I lose 10 lbs this week, then weigh in next week and hit a plateau? That would really suck. Or should I just continue the healthy habits until next week, so I don't have to start over again. I think the answer is pretty clear: keep eating healthy, hold off on the exercise until next week, don't sweat the slip-ups for now and then fill my pockets with silverware at the first weigh-in next week. The second reason that made yesterday a little bit challenging was that when I went in the break room at lunch time to heat up my leftover chicken, I noticed that someone had left some chocolate mint brownies unattended, available to any and all who wanted one (or one and a half). I stared them down for a while, then ate a half that someone had left. By the time my chicken was ready, I'd eaten two more halves against my will.

Today has been better already. I'm so relieved I don't have to exercise until next week. I really hate exercising. I got my new swimsuit so I can start going to water fitness classes, but it's a little tight. I'm keeping it, though. It'll fit better once I lose a few pounds.

Day 1

2009-10-19T20:02:00.002-06:00

I feel pretty groovy about my progress on my first day toward a more fit Kristy. I managed to make it through the day without eating anything bad except one little banana Laffy Taffy this afternoon. When I got home, I got dressed to go to the gym but remembered I needed new tights. So I went to Nordstrom and walked around in my gym clothes for a bit, leaving with 3 brand new pairs of tights (for $24!). The hubs made an awesome tagine that I couldn't resist when I got home from shopping, so I indulged in a bit of chicken. It was sooo good! But now I'm tempted to have a bowl of Strawberry Special K. Or Ben & Jerry's cookie dough. Until I think about that number I saw this morning, and then I take another swig of my water bottle and hope my swimsuit comes in the mail tomorrow.

Losing

2009-10-19T09:11:00.002-06:00

Today at work we begin a weight loss competition. It's a pretty cool idea. We did it once before, but I was totally unmotivated and distracted by cookies and donuts and had lots of other lame excuses. The way it's done is each competitor signs up for a fee and at the end, the winner gets the cash. I'm going to interrupt my regular (yeah, right) blog posts to chronicle my diet and exercise for the next 12 weeks. Hopefully, if you're reading along, you can offer your support and encouragement. I'd love it. Because today I saw a number on the scale that I've never seen before.

So, I've ordered a new one-piece swimsuit so that I can go to water fitness class with out unattractive parts escaping like they do when I wear a tankini. I purchased a big package of steel-cut oats for only $4.75 at Costco, a high fiber, high protein breakfast, and tried them for the first time this morning with bananas, cinnamon, and honey. I've seen a new number on the scale and have a new resolve to get back to an older, fitter, healthier me.

And I want the money. I hope I lose!

I changed her first name. You know, just in case...

2009-08-21T08:43:00.004-06:00

I used to work at the front desk of an office where people had to check in with me for their appointments. Who am I kidding? In the past 10 years, this is the only job I've had -- FOUR times. Often, the people who come in are return clients and will stop at the desk and chit-chat. Over time I can get to know some of them quite well. One day, a regular, Carla, brought her daughters in for their monthly appointments and she was wearing a shirt with her employer's logo embroidered on the left front side. Then I noticed something strange just underneath the logo. Embroidered in cursive in all caps was the word "CHICKEN." For a few minutes, I sat there, perplexed, wondering if it was some kind of inside joke at work..."chicken...chicken...what the...?" Then I remembered Carla's last name and it all became clear and I have never forgotten that awesome shirt from her work, nor the unfortunate combination of Carla's first initial and last name embroidered together without a space: C HICKEN.

Knobsky and Hutch

2009-08-19T21:13:00.003-06:00

Remember when I was raving about my cute new hutch and revamping it with new knobs? Remember how I had pictures, but I couldn't figure out how to get them on here? Well, I found a way, not the most direct way, but a way at any rate. And now I am pleased to present them to you. Here are my artichoke knobs.

And here is my new son, Hutch.

Hey, at least I got the picture ON here.

Racial Profiling

2009-08-19T19:58:00.003-06:00

So my dear mister is going home to visit the family for a few weeks next month. Because plane tickets are so expensive, he did his homework, searching and comparing several airlines and online travel companies for the best flights for days. He finally chose his flight based on the cheapest day available at the cheapest time. (I'm so proud of my bargain shopper!) As it turns out, the cheapest day to fly next month is on the 11th, that would be September 11th. Go figure. So here's a fair warning: if you get on a plane on 9/11 and sitting next to you is this guy,

don't worry, it's just my dear sweet husband. He doesn't bite.

How to Be a Good Wife

2009-08-17T20:58:00.004-06:00

Since I had to start learning to become somewhat domesticated last year when the man offered to take me off my family's hands for a couple of sheep and a 2 liter bottle of rootbeer, I've learned a few things about being a housewife. I thought I'd share them with you.

Some people think big box stores are the devil. Once you get your picture on that little card, you've sold your soul to the capitalists and how could you sleep at night if you gave in to that kind of consumerism? Well, here are some good things about them: they sell organic products! I found some awesome organic quinoa at Costco and some amazing organic Dakota ground beef (though sometimes I wonder if organic ground beef is REALLY that healthy at all...). Secondly, they have cheese - enough to cure a homesick Parisite. Lastly, and best, I think, their own brand of dish soap and laundry detergent are environmentally friendly! And because they come in bulk, you will purchase them less often, which means, you use less containers and how great is that? Plus, the laundry detergent smells like you've died and gone to lavender heaven. Which is, I guess where all the lavender goes when it dies. It smells really really good.

Another thing I've learned recently - this is going to make me crazy without pictures - is how to make things look nicer just by changing the hardware. And it's SO EASY. We needed more storage space in the kitchen, so we found a hutch on craigslist and after a 5 hour trek from our house, to Sandy to borrow a bigger vehicle, to Tooele to pick up the hutch, we returned, tired, bruised, ornery, detoured, but alive (I will have to post details later, complete with the fire, the restroom fiasco, and getting locked in the car). So, we love our new baby, Hutch, but he was missing a knob on one of his cabinets. Have you ever looked for knobs online? You can get knobs with anything you want on them. ANYTHING. It was mind-blowing. It LITERALLY BLEW MY MIND. So when I was finished picking up my mind and cleaning up the mess it left in the living room, I settled on the cheapest knobs I could find (that's what he said) that were still cute (that's what he said, too). They're pewter with artichokes on them. This is where I need pictures to show you just how cute they are BUT I HAVEN'T FIGURED OUT HOW TO GET THE DAMN PICTURES FROM MY NEW BLACKBERRY TO HERE! -->.
So, yeah, that second thing I learned is that if you need to spruce up your place, take a screwdriver and unscrew the knobs off a desk or something and replace them with new ones. You will love the new piece. Or just have a screwdriver if that's easier.

Lastly, I've learned that when I wear my new glasses, striped pj bottoms, my favorite GAP t-shirt with a v-neck )that's really too tight to leave the house in), and pull my hair into a disheveled ponytail, this is when my husband thinks I am sexy. It must be love. Somebody help me with this damn Blackberry?

Just Another Founding Father, Right?

2009-08-05T08:53:00.005-06:00

"By the way, there is no 'd' in my last name. It's just Hancock, not HAND COCK."

"Oh, sorry. I'll fix that for you."

"I mean, that would be pretty awful if my last name were HAND COCK, especially for my husband, right? Could you IMAGINE?"

"Yeah. I guess that would be pretty bad. Let me take care of that right now."

At least she has a sense of humor about our little spelling error, eh?

Now I'm Invisible

2009-08-04T17:12:00.004-06:00

I can see stuff. I knew I couldn't read street signs, but I didn't realize just how blind I was. It's no wonder that several weeks ago I had a dream that I was flying down a wet freeway at night with my windows down. My bangs were blowing in my face. It was raining and my car was hydroplaning across all the lanes. I had no idea if there were any other cars around me and couldn't really slow down although I was scared out of my mind, couldn't see a thing and had no control whatsoever over my vehicle. I think the dream was a sign that I needed to go see the eye doctor. So I went. And - WOW. I can't believe I've been driving around with my bangs in my eyes this WHOLE TIME!! I can see the mountains, lines on cars, details. It's like everything just went through the car wash and got a wax and looks all shiny and new! I can see the texture in the carpet and the expression on the face of the medical assistant at the end of the hall from my desk. I feel like I have eagle eyes now. Oh yeah, also, I'm a nerd. Now excuse me. I'm going shopping for a pocket protector.

2009-07-30T10:06:00.006-06:00

I have been growing so much hair on my head lately that I actually have to spend a considerable amount of time styling it every day or else I end up looking like Robert Plant back in bell bottoms and shirt-open-to-the-navel days. It's attractive if you like dry, frizzy hippie hair, but I don't know anyone who does. Besides, it's unprofessional and I like my job too much to get fired for looking like I just came to work from a love-in.

So yesterday I stopped at the beauty supply store to buy some velcro curlers, hoping to be able to tame my mane somewhat. When I got to the counter to purchase them, I noticed something awesome on the package - this girl's hair.

I asked the girl ringing up my items if she thought I could get the curlers to style my hair like the girl's on the package. Fabulous, kind customer service person that she was, she began to tell me that I might want to opt for smaller curlers when the behind her started giggling. I was like "what? That was totally hot in 1989!! If you were a German girl."

I Wanna Be a Nacho Man

2009-07-29T09:06:00.003-06:00

It's really nice when someone wants to take you to dinner. Especially when it's your mom and you're her only daughter and it's a special occasion, like your birthday, because then you get to wherever you want, right? Well, unless you choose Bajio because they have the best nachos ever if you get them the right way and your mom says, "I've never really liked anything I've had there. I guess I've only been there once but...why don't we go to Café Rio?"

"But nachos from Bajio are like my most favorite thing in the world, momma." I don't usually call her momma and I don't know why that came out, even my husband, who was sitting there, looked at me strangely and then repeated "momma?" Silence.

"But Rio is good, too. We can go there, I guess. I don't care." But I really do. It's my freaking BIRTHDAY. I should get to choose, right? It's not like everyone hates crap and I love it and I'm asking them to eat at Randy's Crap Village (worst restaurant name ever - if you ever open up a restaurant, don't use this).

A few years ago, a similar thing happened. It was my birthday. She offered to take me out. She suggested a Mexican restaurant. It was a local chain that I didn't know much about and had never been to and was not really interested in trying out for a birthday dinner. I offered up some comparable alternatives, noting that I'd really like Mexican food. "Well, if you want Mexican, why don't we just go to [her suggestion]?" So, we went. It was sick. They only offered one kind of beans: runny refried. And it just got worse from there. My body refused to digest it and the refried beans became regurgitated beans later that night. Happy birthday to me.

I don't know. Maybe she's getting me back for when I was little. My dad was in the army so every time we went onto the base, every man in fatigues was "daddy." I was 2, in the shopping cart saying "hi, daddy!" to every man in uniform. Or there was the one time in the PX when I was a little older and potty-trained by now, just getting used to big-girl underwear and realizing how it can creep up when I felt the need to let her (and everyone within earshot) know "my panties are stuck up my bum!"

Yes, she could be getting me back. But I doubt it. I just think I need to remind her that it's MY birthday and that according to the laws of the universe, we should go where I want.

In case you're wondering, here is the correct way to do Bajio nachos. It's worked for me since 2006:
*chips & cheese (make sure they don't broil it too long)
*either rice works great but I usually prefer the *sweet
*the burracho beans have the best flavor - refried suck for nachos black just don't taste right
*beef - not chicken, not pork, their beef is to DIE for...so yummy
*green sauce
(I'm telling you these ingredients = a magic potion DON'T MESS IT UP)
*more cheese (more broiler)
*pico
*guacamole
*ask for a couple of limes and make sure you squeeze the juice on the nachos before indulging
NO SOUR CREAM (it's fattening ha ha)

Sometimes you'll get a new person who doesn't know what they're doing and they'll ask if you want onions and corn. It's ok to add these if you like them. They won't mess up the formula.

Damn. Now I'm hungry. Time to put my foot down.

Really?

2009-07-25T11:04:00.002-06:00

I just saw this on tv.

This program may contain scenes of sports fishing.
Parental discretion is advised.

In case your child develops spontaneous narcolepsy and falls off the couch.
I should really not even turn on the tv on Saturdays.

I haven't run since the last time. I've encountered some obstacles like searing heat, fatigue, laziness, and girl pains that I've never experienced before that led to things exploding inside me (this might have been the cause of the fatigue also). To clarify, I found out Thursday that I had an ovarian cyst explode and another intact. So to avoid exploding Tori (that is what I've named her), I've decided not to run for a while. Last night the hubs and I did take a walk, though, right over to the 7-11 for Slurpees to slurp on while we watched Pioneer Day fireworks.

Again

2009-07-15T08:39:00.002-06:00

I should have done it again before yesterday, but I think the hour and a half was a little bit much Saturday and I was still hurting. So yesterday I did another combo walk/run for 30-35 minutes around the neighborhood. I have some issues with running. First of all, I don't like it when people see me running. For instance, if I'm in a good run and I come up on a Mexican sitting in a car listening to his stereo really loud, as it sometimes (yesterday) happens in my neighborhood, I will stop and act like I was just walking. It garners less attention and then people don't wonder "why is that girl acting like she can run when she is clearly NOT a runner?" Secondly, I have issues with my cows - I mean calves. Most people worry about their knees when they run. For me, ever since I played soccer in high school, my Popeye calves, especially the left one, have hated exercise and are determined to keep me and running from having any kind of civil relationship. Well, calves, guess what. I am determined to become lovers with running. So there.

I Ran

2009-07-11T14:09:00.003-06:00

Today I ran and I didn't die. I felt like I would. Fortunately there was a 7-11 at the half-way home point, so I stopped and got a free Crystal Light Slurpee to keep me going. I have the feeling my body will not like this at first but will thank me for it later. Right? I'm sure the chest pains will eventually go away or I will not notice them as much.

Bird Poop

2009-04-16T17:55:00.005-06:00

Someone at work sent me this really cute forward. Instead of forwarding it to all of you, I thought I'd just post it here for you to see and comment on how cute it really is. Don't you just hate having to PUSH 1 FOR ENGLISH? What a pain. Too bad about the carpal tunnel.

THIS SAYS IT ALL

Take Down the Bird Feeder

(picture of Maxine)

The analogy is absolutely right on...
Maxine tells it like it is!

I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed. What a beauty of a bird feeder it is, as I filled it lovingly with seed.

Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food. But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue.

Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table, everywhere! Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket. And others birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like it used to be.... quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal.

Now let's see. Our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, and free education and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen.

Then the illegals came by the tens of thousands.

Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor; your child's 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English.

Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to 'press one' to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than 'Old Glory' are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.

Just my opinion, but maybe it's time for the government to take down the bird feeder. If you agree, pass it on; if not, continue cleaning up the poop.

2009-04-03T00:22:00.002-06:00

Dear Friend Who I Haven't Really Talked to in 6 Years,
We had fun times when we used to work together. And remember that time we ran into each other a couple of years after your wedding and exchanged numbers? You know, just in case we ever wanted to hang out, although we really don't have a lot in common and never really socialized that much before? Don't get me wrong. I think you're really great. But I have to say that I'm just a little disappointed. I was thrilled to hear from you after all this time. There's nothing I love more than random calls out of the blue from old friends. I thought you were inviting me to a mutual former co-worker shower of some kind or just thinking about me and wanting to get together, which would have been just really a treat! But just for future reference, friend, when it's to invite me over to present me with a business venture...odds are I'm gonna be less excited. Thanks but no.

Love,
Kristy

Utah Has Water, Too

2009-02-19T21:40:00.010-07:00

I know it's almost Friday, but I'm talking about last weekend, the long one with two holidays in it. The first holiday was Valentine's Day. I will just say that it was my best ever and I especially enjoyed eating a romantic dinner (that I made) in our pajamas because we couldn't think of anything more romantic than being lazy all day. The rest is none-of-your-damn-business. By Sunday afternoon, we were getting a little stir crazy, so we decided to take a drive. I took Chouaib out to the Grand Lac Salé. We took some pictures.
He loves me even without makeup.
Solo.
We love each otherz.
Pier. No people.
It was stanky, so we left. If it weren't for the stank, Utah's big body of water might actually be quite nice.

My NeighborHOOD

2009-02-14T10:54:00.003-07:00

Technically, we live in South Salt Lake. Just a few blocks east of us, however, is the area called Sugarhouse. I first lived there in 1999 and since then it has blossomed into a cooler part of town, complete with everything from Old Navy to the coolest second-hand store there is, Pib's exchange. There's a Tea Grotto and a Got Beauty, furniture stores, a beautiful park, and some great restaurants. There are also some empty store fronts that increase in quantity and decrease in aesthetic quality as you progress southward along 2100 South. This is closer to where I live. So for obvious reasons, I tell people that I live in Sugarhouse. But today, while window shopping Craigslist for rugs that I can't afford right now, I found a clever person who had come up with the perfect name for where I live. Check out the location. Awww yeah.

A Couple of Randoms

2009-02-09T05:53:00.003-07:00

I knew I had to post these before I go to work today or I will completely forget. First, I got this email from my mom, who can't smell. I don't know if you will find it as funny as I did, but...

Here is a fun and quick way to stay in touch.
Let's see how many I get back...

1) Four places that I go to over and over: 24 hour fitness, church, home, K=mart

2) Four people who e-mail me (regularly): Jeff, Jeremy, Kristy, Beverly

3) Four favorite smells: ???

4) Four places I would rather be right now: Zion National Park, the mountains, Hawaii, Guatemala

5) Four people I think will respond: Kristy, Jeremy, Beverly, Kaylene

6) Four TV shows I watch: The Office, American Idol, ER, Deal or No Deal
Here's what you are supposed to do...and please don't spoil the fun...
Hit 'forward,' delete my answers, type in your answers and send it to a
bunch of people, including me. It's SIX questions. Take the time.

Second, I had a dream last night that my friend Travis announced that he was to have a son. He didn't give any more details than that. When the baby was born, it was very very black. The darkest black I'd ever seen on a human being. We still didn't know who the mom was and I have no idea what this means. But congratulations, Trav.

Also, I hate changing font/color in the middle of a post because I always forget what my original color and font were.

Shake That Thing

2009-02-08T10:28:00.009-07:00

I'm sure you've either heard about or even participated in the 25 Things About Me Note on Facebook. Well, on hers, my friend, Bethany mentioned that she was addicted to spinach smoothies. They sound healthy, but disgusting. However, I know that Bethany has great taste and wouldn't tell me that something was yummy if it weren't. So lately I've decided I need to stop talking about dieting and not eating cookies, Coke and pizza so much and actually take a step toward incorporating healthier stuff into my daily regime. One of those steps is to eat more raw vegetables. I'm not going hippie here, just healthier. So I got the Spinach Smoothie recipe from Bethany and tried it. Holy goodness! It's like a Jamba minus the sherbet (NOT sherBERT) and sugar, plus all the goodness that spinach contains. We know that spinach is healthy, but do you know just HOW healthy? Here's what I got from my research (on the internet, so it's true). Spinach has loads of folic acid, or folate. Folate, according to wikid-pedia, can reduce the risk of cancer, heart disease (maybe it will undo all my years of indulging in cheese and ice cream), stroke (it runs in the family), birth defects (in case Chouaib puts a baby in me - it's too late to undo MY birth defects), and - on that note - increases fertility. It's magic! Magic you can drink that tastes like strawberries and oranges! Here is the recipe:

In a blender add:

1 C. orange juice
2 C. fresh spinach (not the frozen kind)
1 C. fresh kale (cut out the thick center stem)

Blend until smooth, and runny, and nasty green.

Then add:

1/2 a banana
1/4 C. frozen raspberries
1/4 C. frozen blueberries

I didn't have kale, so I threw in more spinach instead. For the frozen fruit, I substituted frozen strawberries and threw in some fresh blackberries. I probably used more fruit than the recipe calls for. But, still, it's pretty awesome in all its versatility.

Thanks, Bethany, for saving my life.

*Photo by Lindi McLaughlin

Breaking Up Is...meh

2009-02-01T23:12:00.001-07:00

It's kind of sad when you break up with a friend. But making it easier is the consolation that my first instincts were correct. Next time I will listen to my gut.

A New Addition to My Blog Family

2009-02-01T12:03:00.001-07:00

Come visit!

Don't You KNOW Who I am??

2009-01-30T09:55:00.003-07:00

Patient: We have new insurance. Here's the card.

Me: (entering the info into the computer) Who is your husband's employer?

Patient: He's a physician at X hospital with X group.

Me: (looking for the code for X group in the computer, unable to find it) Let me confirm, your husband is employed by X group?

Patient (now MRS. DOCTOR): X hospital...emergency...blah blah blah...

Me: So X group is your husband's employer?

Mrs. Doctor: He is NOT EMPLOYED by X Hospital. Do you understand that?

Me: Do YOU understand that I am EASILY twice your weight and my "uneducated" ass could easily take your wrinkly old snobby ass DOWN before you can say "My husband is a PHYSICIAN" again?

You Can Shave the Baby!

2009-01-29T21:06:00.002-07:00

Shut Up and Drive

2009-01-28T21:13:00.002-07:00

If I clock out of work and rush out the door right at 3:30 or even before (we're allowed to clock out 5 minutes early), I can catch the (approximate) 3:35 bus. This is great because it gets me home before 4:00 and I can watch Ellen. I used to prefer Oprah, but she's gotten thoo therious lately and Ellen, even though she's one of those gays, has something in common with me: her love for JT. There is a downside to catching the 3:35, however. It is Steven. I didn't ask him his name, he told me. Steven honks the horn as he approaches the bus stop. I think he thinks it's cute. He doesn't blare it, but just taps-taps-tappity-taps it. That in itself isn't terrible, neither are his efforts to be a friendly bus driver. But he pretty much ruined it from day 1 when I asked how he was doing, because he asked me, and he said, "oh, naughty!" Yikes. He proceeded to converse with me by yelling from his driving seat to the middle of the bus where I was sitting asking about where I work and what my plans were for the evening. When I answered out of politeness but without encouraging the conversation, he then told me he observed that I had a smirk and looked like I was up to mischief. I didn't doubt this, but seriously, dude. SHUT UP AND DRIVE BECAUSE YOU'RE FREAKING ME OUT. He looks, acts and kind of talks like Don Knotts, minus the bug eyes, and has a little bit of Jimmy Stewart in him, if Jimmy Stewart were creepy. He has big teeth and is apparently more starved for attention than Britney Spears. Day 2 he got my name and even though I sat closer to the back, was nauseated, having hot flashes, and resting my head on the seat in front of me, he STILL kept trying to have conversation. I could appreciate if he were just being friendly and if I were sitting closer to his seat and seeming interested in carrying on a discussion with him, but this man is seriously creepy. He doesn't know when to stop. Since then I've been able to miraculously avoid getting on his bus without trying until today. Ugh. I can't find my shuffle, but was going to just bring my headphones and wear them anyway so I could pretend not to hear him. But I forgot them, so I pretended instead to read the City Weekly even though I got nauseated to do so. Tomorrow, I'm not forgetting my headphones.

This Is Me, I Guess

2009-01-27T19:02:00.005-07:00

I have seen this meme on a few blogs and like the idea. Here's what I did:

1. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.http://www.flickr.com/search/

2. Using only the first page, pick an image.

3. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker.

http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php (choose four columns and three rows, also choose individual URL's)

Questions:

1. What is your first name?

2. What is your favorite food?

3. What school did you go to?

4. What is your favorite color?

5. Who is your celebrity crush?

6. Favorite drink?

7. Dream vacation?

8. Favorite dessert?

9. What you want to be when you grow up?

10. What do you love most in life?

11. One word to describe you.

12. Your nickname.

Here's what I answered:

1. What is your first name? Kristy
2. What is your favorite food? All of it
3. What school did you go to? Ulm American
4. What is your favorite color? black
5. Who is your celebrity crush? Justin Timberlake
6. Favorite drink? Cherry Coke Zero
7. Dream vacation? Morocco
8. Favorite dessert? French pastries
9. What you want to be when you grow up? Business lady
10. What do you love most in life? relationships
11. One word to describe you. chunky
12. Your nickname. krispy

And on the way to making my mosaic, I found this.

Krispy Kreme bacon cheeseburgers. If I weren't already one flight of stairs and a chocolate chip cookie away from a heart attack, I'd be half-tempted to try one.

Why I Love Old Navy

2009-01-21T20:12:00.003-07:00

In case you were wondering, an angel threw up on my blog. That's why it's pink now. Grey was so blah I realized, silent, like Sunday...and Morrissey.

Lately I've realized that I've worn out (grown out of) my workout clothes and needed to buy some new ones. Since tomorrow is my first pay day (did you know that in French "payday" means homo or gay?) anyway, tomorrow is my first gay from the new job. So I decided to stop at The Old Navy because not only do they have great stuff for aging sailors, they have great deals. My favorite is when they have 50% off clearance. That's what they had today. So, to make my long story short, here goes:

one pair pajama pants
one pair yoga pants
one t-shirt that says "HO HO HO" on it
three pair of socks for working out
one red sweater (just like the one above)
one gift for a friend (SECRET!)

Total: $32.53. Happy happy day!!

And for the record, tonight I baked some fries with whole garlic cloves and olive oil and they were declared "the best fries in the world."

2008-12-29T09:53:00.011-07:00

December has been an interesting month to say the least. At the beginning of the month, Chouaib lost his job. Since my two esthetician jobs were bringing in about $.50/week combined, we both went into serious job searching mode. That means searching for a serious job and we were serious about it. That's what that means. I came out the big winner with a job offer from the University of Utah Orthopaedic center as an outpatient service specialist. I pretty much wet myself when they offered me the job because a) I was totally convinced I blew the interview when I made a snarky remark to a co-applicant in a group exercise (this story is an entire blog entry in itself) and b) I asked for much more than I thought they would offer me, just to give myself some negotiating space but they offered me almost $1 more than I requested. Pretty amazing. I start January 5. Chouaib is still looking, but I doubt he's going to find anything until he actually has his green card, which is in the application process. I wish he'd hurry up, because we really need to buy a king-sized bed.

In the meantime, we're dreaming and scheming and enjoying married life and good friends. We also resolved to go to the gym every day. Since we met, we have gained almost 50 lbs combined. It sucks to admit, but I'm at a weight I haven't seen in over 4 years. So, yeah, we're making changes.

Here is a recap of December in pictures:

We put up our first Christmas tree. My non-Christian husband didn't even try to set it on fire.

This is a view from the outside.

I went to Temple Square with Melissa to see the lights.

This would be a great picture if I had a decent camera. But I will be thankful for my cell phone camera.

A pretty decoration at Temple Square.

I changed my hair color and Chouaib learned to shovel snow.

Adam, Jake and Chouaib. He fit right in at the family Christmas party.

Here's a close-up of the tree on Christmas morning. We went easy on the gifts this year. That thing in the background on the left is not a gift, but a Christmas decoration. It's a freaky half-breed of a snowman and a Christmas tree. I won't even ask how that happened. If you get too close to him and he's turned on (if his switch is turned on, not the other way, perv) he will sing Christmas songs in a creepy loud and obnoxious voice. I keep him though because it's not like I can be picky about my decorations yet. So I keep dreaming and scheming.

Happy Holidays, everyone.

A Few Things

2008-12-18T22:06:00.004-07:00

I've been waiting for something really exciting to happen. I've made some good food lately, but I don't really want this to turn into a food blog. I guess the one thing I can say is that I've decided that my newly-chosen profession (as of 2005) isn't really working out that well for me. It's one of those things that I keep thinking will get better if I just stick with it. Then it does, but the really successful times are short-lived. Despite my best efforts to stick with it, it just doesn't seem to be cutting it. I've got the skills, but they're not paying the bills. Lame. On that note, I gave notice at my second job at a nearby salon, not only because it hasn'tbeen terribly busy, but also because I don't feel like I'm really a fit there. I'm the only esthetician there and the oldest employee, and, well...yeah. I'll just leave it at that. So I tell them Saturday that I'm ready to quit on the spot, but I that I will honor whatever appointments are already scheduled as to not leave them in a bind. As luck would have it, I am suddenly getting more appointments in one day than I usually do in a week. I'd like to think that this is the way it will stay, but I can't count on it. I'm babbling. Anyway, new developments are happening on that end and I will just have to update when I've got something solid.

Married life is still great. We're learning to compromise and I'm learning to be appreciative and not complain when he unloads the dishwasher before running it. We have interesting neighbors. Since we moved into this place at the end of September, they have not taken their trash cans to the curb ONCE. We quit doing it 4 weeks ago and they still have not taken it out. I don't understand this. They also don't seem to have considered that it's necessary to shovel and or salt the driveway and sidewalk that we share when it snows. We're in a duplex so to solve the garbage problem, we finally took a giant magic marker to two of the cans (there are four: two for recyclables and two regular ones) and wrote #1 on them, because we're awesome and to distinguish between our cans and theirs. They seem to have caught onto this system, and are only using their cans for their garbage, but they have yet to grasp the concept of taking them out to the curb on Thursday morning. They're starting to overflow. This should get interesting. But it's not our problem anymore.

Here's a picture I took today:

Pretty freaking awesome.

I think that's all for now. I'll try not to be so neglectful next time.

One more thing, I read in a magazine today an article about making a short (one or two items) Not To Do list for 2009 instead of a giant list of resolutions. This is a great idea. I'm going to think it over and write about it next time. I'm thinking of something along the lines of I'm Not Going to Be Poor Anymore.

It's not a Toomer.

2008-11-30T13:15:00.005-07:00

Friday night, we went out. Here are some pictures of what we look like when we go out.

I'm watching football today. Well, it's on tv. I'm not really watching it. I just have it on hoping the Redskins will lose. Because I lived in DC when I was little and all I learned in that four years was that the Redskins were EVIL (not the red-skinned people, mind you, but the team. I was a child, but I know the difference. People underestimate children sometimes.) So, yeah, there's a guy on one of the teams, I think the Giants (I know they're not really Giant - where does that name come from, anyway? Are they trying to psyche out the other team? "We're HUGE! You can't beat US, midgets!") and there's a guy named Toomer. I hope that when he and his wife have a baby, they announce it by telling their friends and family that the doctor told them that his wife's got a Toomer growing inside her. I think that would be funny.

P.S. I odered a soft taco supreme last night. I think they thought I said soft taco WITH BEANS because they put beans on it and charged me $1.40 in stead of $.89 or whatever it normally costs. If there were any doubt, wouldn't you go with what people NORMALLY order? grrr...

My Husband, the Cook

2008-11-23T20:01:00.012-07:00

The other night, Chouaib invited some friends over at the last minute (surprise!) for dinner. Fortunately, he was the one making dinner. Usually I cook, but I wish he would more often, because he's Moroccan. And Moroccan food is really yummy. I don't have a lot to say about the evening, except that it was a nice time with his friends and the food was incredible.

Azedin and Lisa got engaged and married about the same time we did.

Chouaib's friend Moustapha and a little glimpse of our bookshelves. (I realize that's a sentence fragment).

Tagine rhymes with a female body part in French. It's fun to interchange the words.

A yummy yummy labor of love (ok, homesickness).

I'm almost used to my husband eating with his hands.

Relaxing after all the guests were gone. I told him that next time we're inviting my friends over.

P.S. We found out that signing up with T-Mobile will save us some money, so we did. They gave us free new phones and free plane tickets! All these pictures were taken with my new cell phone. I can also make music videos on it. Here is my first one. I call it Tired Cowboy. Watch carefully. There's a suprise ending!

Oh, and RIP, Cricket.

Vampire Pizza

2008-11-21T11:47:00.006-07:00

I went to Costco today. I think it's physically impossible to leave that store without buying a slice of cheese pizza from the snack bar. It's my heroin (I just saw Twilight last night - otherwise I wouldn't be able to come up with a decent metaphor. I've recently discovered that I'm metaphorically challenged). It's a good idea to stay at the snack bar while eating Costco pizza, that way when you're done you can refill your drink. It's such a great deal, a slice of heroin-laced pizza as big as your head and 2 22 oz. drinks for less than $3. As I sat there this morning, I decided that when I am famous and touring the country with my entourage, we will make stops at the local Costco for pizza. Costco will love it so much that this super-cool famous woman makes regular stops at their stores with her entourage, that they'll give me a free lifetime membership. When they ask for my card, I'll frame my face with my hands and say "this is my card." Then the secretly annoyed cashier will be thinking "I can't SCAN your damn FACE, jerk." The irony of it all will be that I'm so insanely rich, I won't need a free Costco membership. Ain't that the way it goes?

Oh, and Twilight. I loved it. Although I'm not sure how much I would have loved it if I hadn't read the book. While reading the book, you get your own images of what the characters look like in your head. Then in the movie, when they don't look the same, it's like "who IS that person? Oh yeah, it's Charlie. He's not supposed to look like that." That's about the only think that bothered me about it. Well, except that I really wanted to be able to lust after Edward like all the women. I admit he's good -looking. But he looks too much like my brother (one of them has better hair). That would just be weird.

Top 10 things I am really excited about every day.

2008-11-20T10:35:00.004-07:00

1) my awesome man
2) gas - watching it get cheaper and cheaper every day.

I actually wanted to post how excited I am every day when I see gas prices going as low as $1.85/gallon. It's probably cheaper than that now. But I didn't want to overshadow how great my husband is and how excited I am that he really wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I guess this really only a Top 2 list. Other things get me excited (not like that), but not every day (this is getting worse - I should just stop). Yay! Thanksgiving is a week from today!

"Hello, Suri?"

2008-11-18T19:35:00.002-07:00

"It's me, Kristy. Yeah, I just want to tell you that your look is so 35 years ago."

2008-11-17T14:47:00.005-07:00

One of the first things we did after announcing our engagement was register. I was so excited that after years of living with roommates and family, I'd have my own kitchen, with my own pots and pans, dishes and kitchen gadgets. I love to cook. I love to try to make recipes based on meals from my favorite restaurants. So, once we got into our new place, and got married, and got many many gifts of kitchen stuff, I began to cook. I've cooked a lot. It's only been a month, and I've cooked so much that Chouaib and I can't fit into our favorite jeans anymore (he his and I mine, we didn't share a favorite pair). Chouaib took a picture of me trying to get mine on.

The good news is that a new gym just opened up near the salon where I work. Saturday, I stopped in for their open house, filled out a form to win some stuff they were giving away, and walked out with the 'grand prize.' It included a giant canister of protein shake, two travel bottles for my protein shake, complete with little whisking balls inside (aren't you glad I didn't say whisker? gross) that mix it up really well, some tanning lotion and regular lotion as well as some free tans from a local tanning salon (I already called and asked, and yes, I can subsitute mist-on tans for the coffins), and some supplements. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention, that includes two weeks of free personal training. I don't think two weeks is long enough to take off what I've put on, but it's a start. I hope my husband realizes that me trying to lose weight = no more gourmet meals for him. It's peanut-butter jelly time! Maybe I could just buy him fish to eat. That means we're both happy. He gets to eat and I don't want to. WIN WIN! And the bonus? He won't end up with a wife who looks like this (except we don't - will never - have a cat and I don't smoke). Maybe I should just get pregnant, then I'll have an excuse. JUST KIDDING, MOM.

Reason #496 I love him

2008-11-11T21:57:00.002-07:00

This morning we were talking about how we need a new bed since we've been sleeping in my old full-size bed that only has a frame on wheels. The floors in our new place are hardwood, so because it has no headboard, no 'anchor,' if you will, it tends to roll away from the wall while we sleep and we're always losing our pillows between the bed and wall. I mentioned that since we just got all this great new bedding when we got married, I'd love it if we could get a queen so we don't have to get all new stuff as well (yes, I said that - marriage has made me a new, more responsible woman). He agreed with me, saying that he, too, would want a queen size if we got a new one. Because in a king, we'd be sleeping too far away from each other. :)

Book Worms

2008-11-09T22:25:00.004-07:00

Both Chouaib and I collect books. I do for a few different reasons: because I like to think I will read all of that classical fiction, history and philosophy someday, because I like to look like I'm smart, because some are really old and everyone knows that really old books are valuable, and because I'm really going to do French grammar drills again (and brush up on my Spanish, Russian and German). My husband collects them because they were free at school and he thinks he can sell them and make a profit and because he had to buy them for school and he thinks he can sell them and make a profit (the latter is more likely than the former, in my opinion). A couple of days ago, we finally got around to listing his books online to see if we could get any money out of them. He listed his, and, as an afterthought, I grabbed Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea, which I had just finished and wasn't going to need to reference anymore, and listed it as well. Today we got an email notification that one of our books sold! YAY! Cost Accounting? Quick Books Pro 2005? Nope. It was mine. Some chick on Long Island bought it. I think I will include a note with her book letting her know that Java Programming and Using Linux are still available, just in case.

They Know That Santa's On His Way

2008-11-08T22:34:00.004-07:00

He's loaded; lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh...

I don't want you to hear this song the same way ever again.

And from my husband:

"We are Mormon and Muslim."

"Yeah..."

"So that means we can do polygamy!"

Imagine!

2008-11-06T22:02:00.003-07:00

I just heard this on the news:

"Imagine walking in a parking lot in broad daylight and someone underneath a car reaches out and grabs your ankle and then being brutally raped! Well, this is what happened to one Salt Lake City woman..."

WTF? That's how you'd open a story if someone woke up to their car buried in snow or found a squirrel in their garbage can. I can just hear the woman telling her friends over coffee, "oh my gosh, I almost forgot to tell you what happened to me today. I had just parked my car and was walking to work when this dude hiding under a car grabbed my ankle and then just totally brutally raped me! Can you believe how IGNERNT? People are just crazy, I tell you. Can you even imagine that?"

I Ain't Been Droppin' No Eaves, Honest!

2008-11-06T21:26:00.004-07:00

"All our ice cream is low-fat, sir."

"Well, we're gonna need something, well, non-dairy."

Overheard at Dairy Queen.

Later that day,

"So were you a cult or a bangle?"

I started to wonder if he was asking what kind of 80's music she liked until I heard the answer,

"Actually I was a Viking."

For further explanation, see here and here.

How Do You Know When It's Love?

2008-11-03T23:23:00.003-07:00

When he buys fish at WalMart because he thinks it sounds good tonight. When you get home and he starts asking you what kind of pan he should cook it in, so you take over. Even though you'd rather poke your eyes out with a butter knife than smell, let alone eat fish. It's love when you nicely saute the tilapia in butter and lemon juice with freshly ground pepper and a little salt in order to avoid whatever disaster he was going to turn it into. It's love when you're really proud that you've actually made it seem somewhat not only edible but maybe even tasty. You start to think maybe it's not so disgusting and maybe, since you are a such an amazing gourmet chef, you might try a bite. Then you really, truly realize how much you love him when he gets out the ketchup and Cholula and instead of trying a bite of the fish, you just chomp down nicely on your tongue.

For My Chunky Friends

2008-11-03T00:12:00.002-07:00

I finally broke down and bought Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea. I was going to buy it at the airport on my way to Prague this summer to read on the plane, but Twilight was 1/3 of the price. Since I'd heard great things about it and the trailer looked pretty good, I ended up getting sucked in and distracted by the series for the rest of the summer. Then I had to plan a wedding. Besides, after reading all those vampire books, I was spent.

So Saturday night, I went to Utah County for a wedding reception, following Google Maps instructions to The Bungalow and got lost. Just so you know, 89 in Utah County, I hate you. You change cities and street numbers WAY too many times in just a few short miles. It's like a funhouse with trick signs, except it's not fun. Couple that with Google's directions and Happy Halloween!

Oh yeah, so I remembered that when I got off the freeway, I had seen a Target. Some shopping therapy would do me some good since I was so traumatized from Highway 89. So I went in and walked around for at least a good hour. I'm just gonna say that I prefer Super Targets to regular old Targets. I usually shop at the Super one in Midvale, so I was pretty disappointed that this one was just a plain ol' Target. Thank goodness it was there, though.

I ended up passing all the discounted Halloween crap, but made it out of there with some TP that we need, anti-dandruff shampoo for the hubby, a giant spatula, a whisk, and some Crystal Light that is supposed to make your body burn calories faster (yeah, right, but it makes the water taste better). And the Chelsea Handler book, all paid for by generous wedding donations (FREE Target stuff!). I guess my whole point in writing this is to share the funniest thing (so far) in her book. Chelsea gets a DUI and, because of an unfortunate string of events, ends up in a women's prison, not just jail, but priZIN, complete with an anal search and orange jumpsuit (I feel so close to her). During the brief incarceration, she meets Lucille, who - despite having a very small frame - eats all Chelsea's food, then tells her she's in for hammering her sister to death. About her, Chelsea says, "this woman/killer was a testament to my theory that the crazier you are, the more calories you burn. That's why psychos are always so skinny." She's right. Just look at Hollywood...

2008-10-31T00:27:00.002-06:00

So the hubby and I stole away to the dollar (fifty) movie tonight. He likes action. I like comedy. So Get Smart seemed like a logical choice. The only bad thing about watching a comedy with him is missing stuff because sometimes I have to explain the jokes. Like this one:

"Too bad about all the dead movie stars."
"Yes. What will we do without their razor-sharp political advice."

I didn't explain it. I just laughed. And laughed. And laughed. Hard.

I Like This Guy

2008-10-30T19:28:00.000-06:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93cFOjDG-Ks

On Proposition 8

2008-10-29T09:22:00.003-06:00

This is just my $.02. I don't mean to hurt your feelings, David Archuleta and Clay Aiken, but I gotta say what I gotta say. Today I saw this on a friend's status on Facebook:

"X supports Prop 8. And I still love, adore, and respect my friends who disagree with me."

And her friend's response:

"Can't say I feel the love or adoration while being reminded that I'm a constitutionally second class citizen... just like women used to be. Both based on religious beliefs, btw. God love y'all! :)"

Dr. Mr. Second-Class citizen. You are not asking for EQUAL rights, you are asking for SPECIAL rights. If you wanted to marry a woman, you would have the same opportunity as any other man to do so. You are asking to change the definition of an institution that has existed for thousands of years so that life for you will be more convenient. Sorry, but I think that's just about as f'd up as you telling you not feeling the love from your friend because she disagrees with you. Get over it. Let marriage be marriage, what it always has been, what God intended it to be. And get on with your bad self.

I know I sound like a bigoted, close-minded, uneducated, religious zealot, but I am none of these things. I, like you, have my convictions and I stand by them.

I still love my friends who disagree with me and I hope you love me, too. Maybe you don't like that I am Mormon, or that I dye my hair blonde, or that I hate your Debbie Gibson CD but we're still friends and there's still love there.

Happily Ever After...For the Second Time

2008-10-27T10:26:00.005-06:00

So last month when we were getting all ready to move in to our new place, unmarried, I was on the phone with the new landlady. I think she caught on to my over-usage of "we" when it came to discussing the moving in details and reconfirmed with me, "so, he's moving in first and then when you get married, you're moving in later, right?" I guess she caught me off guard because I quickly replied, "right!" This is when it turned into a bad sitcom episode. So, to make things legit, we decided to get married. Two days later on September 25, we got married at the courthouse. It was short and sweet and we were excited. We decided not to tell anyone because some people might feel bad that they weren't invited. Besides, for us, it was just a technicality. The real wedding would be the one with all the friends and family present. With food, and music and people who went through a lot of trouble to get here to be present. But we ran into another problem when three days before the wedding, we met with the bishop. We explained that we'd already gotten married and after some deliberation, he told us he couldn't officiate over our ceremony. He didn't feel right about it. We respected his decision and started discussing our options. We thought about hiring an actor or asking my brother, dad or cousin to conduct the ceremony. Then, when we found out my cousin's almost four-year-old has cancer, my mom just wanted to cancel the whole thing. I thought that was a little too much, besides, I don't have a guest list (because I'm an awesome planner), so I wouldn't remember who to call to let them know. Besides, I didn't want to.

So after my dad walked me down the aisle, Chouaib welcomed everyone and thanked them for coming. We first exchanged our own words with each other, then rings. It was really short and sweet as well. The reception after was long and sweet. :) Near the end, the music turned Moroccan and there was spontaneous dancing, which I loved. If you came, thank you.

Also, if you like baked ziti, come on over tonight. My fridge is overflowing with it. We've also got black forest cake.

One Day More

2008-10-23T09:26:00.005-06:00

One more dawn, one more day, one day mo-0-o-oRE!! (You won't get it if you haven't hear Les Mis the musical)

Last night everyone came for dinner and it was great. Chouaib's sister got in ok, even earlier than anticipated. The day before, we picked my dad up at the airport, we were concerned that he might not recognize us, so we made sure he found the right son, son's wife, 3 grandkids, and daughter.

Now we just have to work on a few glitches: our vents blowing cold air instead of heating the apartment, finding the ONLY SET OF KEYS to my hsuband's car that he somehow lost yesterday afternoon, and not having a bishop to perform the ceremony because we are already married. Yes, that's right. We got married last month. More later.

Just a couple more days until...

2008-10-21T23:38:00.001-06:00

Early Onset Alzheimers

2008-10-20T11:58:00.004-06:00

Last night I made crepes and forgot that we had Nutella. Crepes without Nutella? duh. Also yesterday I forgot to call in to work for my last appointment. WORK! My livelihood! My insurance...This morning I put in a load of laundry. Later, I looked over into the laundry room and saw the measuring cup with the soap still in it. I forgot to add soap to my laundry. ugh. I must be getting old. Will somebody text me Friday and remind me about the wedding?

Ha ha. I googled "forgetful" in an image search and found this. Not likely.

Out of the House

2008-10-19T17:41:00.003-06:00

Sometimes, Chouaib lets me go out with my friends. Last night was one of those nights. There were giant garlic burgers and disgusting amounts of ice cream involved. Here is some evidence of the evening that we didn't eat. If you look closely, you'll see a ginormous zit on my cheek, just in time for the wedding! (the friends in the picture are Lindi and Shawna)

All Growed Up

2008-10-18T23:23:00.002-06:00

Chouaib (pronounced 'Shwibe' & rhymes with scribe) and I will officially be a family on October 24, 2008. I think this calls for a special blog, one for family to keep up on and where I can post about how awesome he is. For example, how he types "gays" instead of "guys" and spells "snuggle" "snagel." I never thought I'd end up with someone who couldn't spell (in English, anyway). But he's kind of nice and pretty smart in science and accounting (stuff I suck at) so it evens out. Here is a picture of us.