For My Chunky Friends

I finally broke down and bought Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea. I was going to buy it at the airport on my way to Prague this summer to read on the plane, but Twilight was 1/3 of the price. Since I'd heard great things about it and the trailer looked pretty good, I ended up getting sucked in and distracted by the series for the rest of the summer. Then I had to plan a wedding. Besides, after reading all those vampire books, I was spent.

So Saturday night, I went to Utah County for a wedding reception, following Google Maps instructions to The Bungalow and got lost. Just so you know, 89 in Utah County, I hate you. You change cities and street numbers WAY too many times in just a few short miles. It's like a funhouse with trick signs, except it's not fun. Couple that with Google's directions and Happy Halloween!

Oh yeah, so I remembered that when I got off the freeway, I had seen a Target. Some shopping therapy would do me some good since I was so traumatized from Highway 89. So I went in and walked around for at least a good hour. I'm just gonna say that I prefer Super Targets to regular old Targets. I usually shop at the Super one in Midvale, so I was pretty disappointed that this one was just a plain ol' Target. Thank goodness it was there, though.

I ended up passing all the discounted Halloween crap, but made it out of there with some TP that we need, anti-dandruff shampoo for the hubby, a giant spatula, a whisk, and some Crystal Light that is supposed to make your body burn calories faster (yeah, right, but it makes the water taste better). And the Chelsea Handler book, all paid for by generous wedding donations (FREE Target stuff!). I guess my whole point in writing this is to share the funniest thing (so far) in her book. Chelsea gets a DUI and, because of an unfortunate string of events, ends up in a women's prison, not just jail, but priZIN, complete with an anal search and orange jumpsuit (I feel so close to her). During the brief incarceration, she meets Lucille, who - despite having a very small frame - eats all Chelsea's food, then tells her she's in for hammering her sister to death. About her, Chelsea says, "this woman/killer was a testament to my theory that the crazier you are, the more calories you burn. That's why psychos are always so skinny." She's right. Just look at Hollywood...