A New Addition to My Blog Family

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Don't You KNOW Who I am??

Patient: We have new insurance. Here's the card.

Me: (entering the info into the computer) Who is your husband's employer?

Patient: He's a physician at X hospital with X group.

Me: (looking for the code for X group in the computer, unable to find it) Let me confirm, your husband is employed by X group?

Patient (now MRS. DOCTOR): X hospital...emergency...blah blah blah...

Me: So X group is your husband's employer?

Mrs. Doctor: He is NOT EMPLOYED by X Hospital. Do you understand that?

Me: Do YOU understand that I am EASILY twice your weight and my "uneducated" ass could easily take your wrinkly old snobby ass DOWN before you can say "My husband is a PHYSICIAN" again?

You Can Shave the Baby!

Shut Up and Drive

If I clock out of work and rush out the door right at 3:30 or even before (we're allowed to clock out 5 minutes early), I can catch the (approximate) 3:35 bus. This is great because it gets me home before 4:00 and I can watch Ellen. I used to prefer Oprah, but she's gotten thoo therious lately and Ellen, even though she's one of those gays, has something in common with me: her love for JT. There is a downside to catching the 3:35, however. It is Steven. I didn't ask him his name, he told me. Steven honks the horn as he approaches the bus stop. I think he thinks it's cute. He doesn't blare it, but just taps-taps-tappity-taps it. That in itself isn't terrible, neither are his efforts to be a friendly bus driver. But he pretty much ruined it from day 1 when I asked how he was doing, because he asked me, and he said, "oh, naughty!" Yikes. He proceeded to converse with me by yelling from his driving seat to the middle of the bus where I was sitting asking about where I work and what my plans were for the evening. When I answered out of politeness but without encouraging the conversation, he then told me he observed that I had a smirk and looked like I was up to mischief. I didn't doubt this, but seriously, dude. SHUT UP AND DRIVE BECAUSE YOU'RE FREAKING ME OUT. He looks, acts and kind of talks like Don Knotts, minus the bug eyes, and has a little bit of Jimmy Stewart in him, if Jimmy Stewart were creepy. He has big teeth and is apparently more starved for attention than Britney Spears. Day 2 he got my name and even though I sat closer to the back, was nauseated, having hot flashes, and resting my head on the seat in front of me, he STILL kept trying to have conversation. I could appreciate if he were just being friendly and if I were sitting closer to his seat and seeming interested in carrying on a discussion with him, but this man is seriously creepy. He doesn't know when to stop. Since then I've been able to miraculously avoid getting on his bus without trying until today. Ugh. I can't find my shuffle, but was going to just bring my headphones and wear them anyway so I could pretend not to hear him. But I forgot them, so I pretended instead to read the City Weekly even though I got nauseated to do so. Tomorrow, I'm not forgetting my headphones.

This Is Me, I Guess

I have seen this meme on a few blogs and like the idea. Here's what I did:

1. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.http://www.flickr.com/search/

2. Using only the first page, pick an image.

3. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker.

http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php (choose four columns and three rows, also choose individual URL's)

Questions:

1. What is your first name?

2. What is your favorite food?

3. What school did you go to?

4. What is your favorite color?

5. Who is your celebrity crush?

6. Favorite drink?

7. Dream vacation?

8. Favorite dessert?

9. What you want to be when you grow up?

10. What do you love most in life?

11. One word to describe you.

12. Your nickname.

Here's what I answered:

1. What is your first name? Kristy
2. What is your favorite food? All of it
3. What school did you go to? Ulm American
4. What is your favorite color? black
5. Who is your celebrity crush? Justin Timberlake
6. Favorite drink? Cherry Coke Zero
7. Dream vacation? Morocco
8. Favorite dessert? French pastries
9. What you want to be when you grow up? Business lady
10. What do you love most in life? relationships
11. One word to describe you. chunky
12. Your nickname. krispy

And on the way to making my mosaic, I found this.

Krispy Kreme bacon cheeseburgers. If I weren't already one flight of stairs and a chocolate chip cookie away from a heart attack, I'd be half-tempted to try one.

Why I Love Old Navy

In case you were wondering, an angel threw up on my blog. That's why it's pink now. Grey was so blah I realized, silent, like Sunday...and Morrissey.

Lately I've realized that I've worn out (grown out of) my workout clothes and needed to buy some new ones. Since tomorrow is my first pay day (did you know that in French "payday" means homo or gay?) anyway, tomorrow is my first gay from the new job. So I decided to stop at The Old Navy because not only do they have great stuff for aging sailors, they have great deals. My favorite is when they have 50% off clearance. That's what they had today. So, to make my long story short, here goes:

one pair pajama pants
one pair yoga pants
one t-shirt that says "HO HO HO" on it
three pair of socks for working out
one red sweater (just like the one above)
one gift for a friend (SECRET!)

Total: $32.53. Happy happy day!!

And for the record, tonight I baked some fries with whole garlic cloves and olive oil and they were declared "the best fries in the world."

December has been an interesting month to say the least. At the beginning of the month, Chouaib lost his job. Since my two esthetician jobs were bringing in about $.50/week combined, we both went into serious job searching mode. That means searching for a serious job and we were serious about it. That's what that means. I came out the big winner with a job offer from the University of Utah Orthopaedic center as an outpatient service specialist. I pretty much wet myself when they offered me the job because a) I was totally convinced I blew the interview when I made a snarky remark to a co-applicant in a group exercise (this story is an entire blog entry in itself) and b) I asked for much more than I thought they would offer me, just to give myself some negotiating space but they offered me almost $1 more than I requested. Pretty amazing. I start January 5. Chouaib is still looking, but I doubt he's going to find anything until he actually has his green card, which is in the application process. I wish he'd hurry up, because we really need to buy a king-sized bed.

In the meantime, we're dreaming and scheming and enjoying married life and good friends. We also resolved to go to the gym every day. Since we met, we have gained almost 50 lbs combined. It sucks to admit, but I'm at a weight I haven't seen in over 4 years. So, yeah, we're making changes.

Here is a recap of December in pictures:

We put up our first Christmas tree. My non-Christian husband didn't even try to set it on fire.

This is a view from the outside.

I went to Temple Square with Melissa to see the lights.

This would be a great picture if I had a decent camera. But I will be thankful for my cell phone camera.

A pretty decoration at Temple Square.

I changed my hair color and Chouaib learned to shovel snow.

Adam, Jake and Chouaib. He fit right in at the family Christmas party.

Here's a close-up of the tree on Christmas morning. We went easy on the gifts this year. That thing in the background on the left is not a gift, but a Christmas decoration. It's a freaky half-breed of a snowman and a Christmas tree. I won't even ask how that happened. If you get too close to him and he's turned on (if his switch is turned on, not the other way, perv) he will sing Christmas songs in a creepy loud and obnoxious voice. I keep him though because it's not like I can be picky about my decorations yet. So I keep dreaming and scheming.

Happy Holidays, everyone.