I Wanna Be a Nacho Man

It's really nice when someone wants to take you to dinner. Especially when it's your mom and you're her only daughter and it's a special occasion, like your birthday, because then you get to wherever you want, right? Well, unless you choose Bajio because they have the best nachos ever if you get them the right way and your mom says, "I've never really liked anything I've had there. I guess I've only been there once but...why don't we go to Café Rio?"

"But nachos from Bajio are like my most favorite thing in the world, momma." I don't usually call her momma and I don't know why that came out, even my husband, who was sitting there, looked at me strangely and then repeated "momma?" Silence.

"But Rio is good, too. We can go there, I guess. I don't care." But I really do. It's my freaking BIRTHDAY. I should get to choose, right? It's not like everyone hates crap and I love it and I'm asking them to eat at Randy's Crap Village (worst restaurant name ever - if you ever open up a restaurant, don't use this).

A few years ago, a similar thing happened. It was my birthday. She offered to take me out. She suggested a Mexican restaurant. It was a local chain that I didn't know much about and had never been to and was not really interested in trying out for a birthday dinner. I offered up some comparable alternatives, noting that I'd really like Mexican food. "Well, if you want Mexican, why don't we just go to [her suggestion]?" So, we went. It was sick. They only offered one kind of beans: runny refried. And it just got worse from there. My body refused to digest it and the refried beans became regurgitated beans later that night. Happy birthday to me.

I don't know. Maybe she's getting me back for when I was little. My dad was in the army so every time we went onto the base, every man in fatigues was "daddy." I was 2, in the shopping cart saying "hi, daddy!" to every man in uniform. Or there was the one time in the PX when I was a little older and potty-trained by now, just getting used to big-girl underwear and realizing how it can creep up when I felt the need to let her (and everyone within earshot) know "my panties are stuck up my bum!"

Yes, she could be getting me back. But I doubt it. I just think I need to remind her that it's MY birthday and that according to the laws of the universe, we should go where I want.

In case you're wondering, here is the correct way to do Bajio nachos. It's worked for me since 2006:
*chips & cheese (make sure they don't broil it too long)
*either rice works great but I usually prefer the *sweet
*the burracho beans have the best flavor - refried suck for nachos black just don't taste right
*beef - not chicken, not pork, their beef is to DIE for...so yummy
*green sauce
(I'm telling you these ingredients = a magic potion DON'T MESS IT UP)
*more cheese (more broiler)
*pico
*guacamole
*ask for a couple of limes and make sure you squeeze the juice on the nachos before indulging
NO SOUR CREAM (it's fattening ha ha)

Sometimes you'll get a new person who doesn't know what they're doing and they'll ask if you want onions and corn. It's ok to add these if you like them. They won't mess up the formula.

Damn. Now I'm hungry. Time to put my foot down.