Reason #496 I love him

This morning we were talking about how we need a new bed since we've been sleeping in my old full-size bed that only has a frame on wheels. The floors in our new place are hardwood, so because it has no headboard, no 'anchor,' if you will, it tends to roll away from the wall while we sleep and we're always losing our pillows between the bed and wall. I mentioned that since we just got all this great new bedding when we got married, I'd love it if we could get a queen so we don't have to get all new stuff as well (yes, I said that - marriage has made me a new, more responsible woman). He agreed with me, saying that he, too, would want a queen size if we got a new one. Because in a king, we'd be sleeping too far away from each other. :)

Book Worms

Both Chouaib and I collect books. I do for a few different reasons: because I like to think I will read all of that classical fiction, history and philosophy someday, because I like to look like I'm smart, because some are really old and everyone knows that really old books are valuable, and because I'm really going to do French grammar drills again (and brush up on my Spanish, Russian and German). My husband collects them because they were free at school and he thinks he can sell them and make a profit and because he had to buy them for school and he thinks he can sell them and make a profit (the latter is more likely than the former, in my opinion). A couple of days ago, we finally got around to listing his books online to see if we could get any money out of them. He listed his, and, as an afterthought, I grabbed Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea, which I had just finished and wasn't going to need to reference anymore, and listed it as well. Today we got an email notification that one of our books sold! YAY! Cost Accounting? Quick Books Pro 2005? Nope. It was mine. Some chick on Long Island bought it. I think I will include a note with her book letting her know that Java Programming and Using Linux are still available, just in case.

They Know That Santa's On His Way

He's loaded; lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh...

I don't want you to hear this song the same way ever again.

And from my husband:

"We are Mormon and Muslim."

"Yeah..."

"So that means we can do polygamy!"

Imagine!

I just heard this on the news:

"Imagine walking in a parking lot in broad daylight and someone underneath a car reaches out and grabs your ankle and then being brutally raped! Well, this is what happened to one Salt Lake City woman..."

WTF? That's how you'd open a story if someone woke up to their car buried in snow or found a squirrel in their garbage can. I can just hear the woman telling her friends over coffee, "oh my gosh, I almost forgot to tell you what happened to me today. I had just parked my car and was walking to work when this dude hiding under a car grabbed my ankle and then just totally brutally raped me! Can you believe how IGNERNT? People are just crazy, I tell you. Can you even imagine that?"

I Ain't Been Droppin' No Eaves, Honest!

"All our ice cream is low-fat, sir."

"Well, we're gonna need something, well, non-dairy."

Overheard at Dairy Queen.

Later that day,

"So were you a cult or a bangle?"

I started to wonder if he was asking what kind of 80's music she liked until I heard the answer,

"Actually I was a Viking."

For further explanation, see here and here.

How Do You Know When It's Love?

When he buys fish at WalMart because he thinks it sounds good tonight. When you get home and he starts asking you what kind of pan he should cook it in, so you take over. Even though you'd rather poke your eyes out with a butter knife than smell, let alone eat fish. It's love when you nicely saute the tilapia in butter and lemon juice with freshly ground pepper and a little salt in order to avoid whatever disaster he was going to turn it into. It's love when you're really proud that you've actually made it seem somewhat not only edible but maybe even tasty. You start to think maybe it's not so disgusting and maybe, since you are a such an amazing gourmet chef, you might try a bite. Then you really, truly realize how much you love him when he gets out the ketchup and Cholula and instead of trying a bite of the fish, you just chomp down nicely on your tongue.

For My Chunky Friends

I finally broke down and bought Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea. I was going to buy it at the airport on my way to Prague this summer to read on the plane, but Twilight was 1/3 of the price. Since I'd heard great things about it and the trailer looked pretty good, I ended up getting sucked in and distracted by the series for the rest of the summer. Then I had to plan a wedding. Besides, after reading all those vampire books, I was spent.

So Saturday night, I went to Utah County for a wedding reception, following Google Maps instructions to The Bungalow and got lost. Just so you know, 89 in Utah County, I hate you. You change cities and street numbers WAY too many times in just a few short miles. It's like a funhouse with trick signs, except it's not fun. Couple that with Google's directions and Happy Halloween!

Oh yeah, so I remembered that when I got off the freeway, I had seen a Target. Some shopping therapy would do me some good since I was so traumatized from Highway 89. So I went in and walked around for at least a good hour. I'm just gonna say that I prefer Super Targets to regular old Targets. I usually shop at the Super one in Midvale, so I was pretty disappointed that this one was just a plain ol' Target. Thank goodness it was there, though.

I ended up passing all the discounted Halloween crap, but made it out of there with some TP that we need, anti-dandruff shampoo for the hubby, a giant spatula, a whisk, and some Crystal Light that is supposed to make your body burn calories faster (yeah, right, but it makes the water taste better). And the Chelsea Handler book, all paid for by generous wedding donations (FREE Target stuff!). I guess my whole point in writing this is to share the funniest thing (so far) in her book. Chelsea gets a DUI and, because of an unfortunate string of events, ends up in a women's prison, not just jail, but priZIN, complete with an anal search and orange jumpsuit (I feel so close to her). During the brief incarceration, she meets Lucille, who - despite having a very small frame - eats all Chelsea's food, then tells her she's in for hammering her sister to death. About her, Chelsea says, "this woman/killer was a testament to my theory that the crazier you are, the more calories you burn. That's why psychos are always so skinny." She's right. Just look at Hollywood...